Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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