I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
