If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
