He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
