I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
