i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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