I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
