I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
