i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
