Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
