i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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