WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
