You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
