so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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