It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
