Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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