I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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