Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
