Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
