I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
