i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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