I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I deserve this hangover.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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