Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's official drugs can't kill me
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
