All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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