eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
