Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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