My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
