I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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