when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
