Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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