i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
