I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm like, not good at living.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
