Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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