sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
