Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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