apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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