i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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