my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
