you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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