I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
