I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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