and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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