Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
