he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
