Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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