super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
