I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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