Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
