i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
