Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
