did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
