If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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