You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
