I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize