idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
