i barfeds in our rink
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
