Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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