Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
