He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
