well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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