it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
