these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
