Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
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what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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