im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
