we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
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Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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