Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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