I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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