I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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