i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dignity is for republicans.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize