What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
