Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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