I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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