College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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