maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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