College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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