So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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