I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
